long-distance friendships are terrible because you can’t meet up with them whenever you want and hang out on any given day which is why when i’m president i’m relocating the entire human population into a 10,000,000 story skyscraper that also acts as a bridge from earth to the moon which comes with the added benefit of swinging the moon around like a fucking mace, god damn it’s gonna look so cool. what was i talking about
Shoutout to all of us lazy folk who are just going to chill on Tumblr til the food is done.
i’m going to kms (knit my sweater)
the fact that there are animals who can see colors that i cant which means that there are colors that exist that it is literally impossible for me to envision is such fucking bullshit that i wanna rip open a couch and eat it
I’m pretty sure if everyone in the world had super powers I’d get something terrible like the ability to perfectly imitate someone’s sneeze sound
if anyone ever tells you to man up, just knock them unconscious and as they lie motionless of the ground, lean over them and whisper
"hey what’s the date?"
THIS LITERALLY DIDN’T EVEN REGISTER AS INCORRECT TO ME
I READ IT AND I WAS LIKE WTF WHY DOES THIS HAVE SO MANY NOTES THEN I SCROLLED DOWN THEN I WENT BACK UP AND I WAS LIKE DING DONG DANGIT HOW DID I NOT REALIZE
DING DONG DANGIT
i’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it badly enough that it’s not funny anymore